Embracing Grief, Trauma, and Neurodiversity in Therapy

As a therapist I've come to recognize the value of considering grief, trauma, and neurodiversity together. This isn't just a theoretical exercise; it's about acknowledging the diverse and often concurrent experiences that shape all of our lives. In therapy, this means creating a space where each person's story matters, fostering real connection. It's about truly listening, making sure the person being listened to feels valued for exactly who and what they are.

Grief is a universal human experience, touching all of us at some point in our lives. It's the deep ache of loss when someone we love is no longer with us. Thanotologist Cole Imperi distinguishes two kinds of loss: loss OF life and loss IN life. This distinction is helpful, I believe, because grief isn't just about death—it can also be about the loss of relationships, identities, passions, jobs, dreams, ideas, expectations, past versions of ourselves and/or loved ones, maybe even an elusive sense of safety and security we once had.

Trauma is a lasting emotional (whether we are conscious of it or not) response to a distressing event that can be difficult to cope it. It is often out of our control. Trauma, left unaddressed, reshapes our understanding of reality. Stemming from a single event, or persistent experiences, it has the capacity to rewire our brains, hindering access to higher-level thinking and keeping us stuck in a perpetual state of stress.

Being Neurodiversity Affirming means recognizing and respecting the unique strengths and challenges of individuals with diverse neurological experiences. It involves fostering an inclusive environment that values different ways of thinking, feeling, and interacting with the world. This approach promotes acceptance, understanding, and support for all individuals, regardless of neurocognitive differences.

This holistic approach is grounded in the understanding that, as humans, we all experience the heartache of loss, we have all likely been shaken to our core by distress, and we have all navigated the world through diverse perspectives, whether we inherently understand the neurodivergent experience or not. Embracing this assumption, as a therapist, fosters a shift from mere curiosity to genuine empathy and understanding. Instead of asking, “does it hurt?” we ask, “what hurts?” Instead of asking, “what is wrong with you?” we ask, “what happened to you?” and instead of asking “what are your symptoms?” we ask, “what are your unique strengths and support needs?”

I've found that embracing this framework fosters self-acceptance, which research indicates is vital for meaningful change. By creating a safe and inclusive space, clients are empowered to explore their stories with courage. I strive to connect with clients on a deeper level. I assume that they, like me, have known heartache and loss, have faced challenges that changed the way they view themselves and the world, and have felt the weight of being different. By assuming this shared humanity, we create an environment where the stories that shaped their lives (or changed their lives)—the good, the bad, and the ugly— can be told and held with care.

It's within these stories that we often find a curiosity and compassion for ourselves and others that is truly liberating. Through embracing our shared humanity, we find strength in our vulnerabilities, courage in our stories, and connection in our journeys.

In navigating the intersection of grief, trauma, and neurodiversity, we discover the profound beauty of being human—the capacity to heal, to grow, and to connect authentically with ourselves and others.